When the Holidays Hurt: Understanding Stress, Grief, and How We Support Each Other

The holidays are often shown as cheerful and bright—but for many people, this time of year brings stress, loneliness, anxiety, or grief. These feelings can be confusing when everything around us looks joyful, yet they are completely normal. Many people move through December with mixed emotions: moments of connection followed by moments that feel heavy or overwhelming.

Whether this season feels warm, difficult, or inconsistent, it helps to understand why emotions intensify and what can make the weeks ahead a little easier.

Why Emotions Feel Stronger During the Holidays

This time of year tends to magnify everything—joy and stress alike. Several common factors make emotions feel bigger:

Pressure to Be Cheerful

Holiday culture tells us to be happy. When we don’t feel that way, the mismatch can be painful.

Disrupted Routines

Travel, changes in sleep, busy schedules, and extra tasks can make people feel ungrounded.

Family Dynamics

Gatherings may bring up old tension or complicated relationships.

Grief and Loss

Small moments—a song, a tradition, an empty chair—can bring up strong memories.

Financial Stress

Gift-giving and travel can add pressure many people don’t talk about.

Seasonal Changes

Shorter days and less sunlight affect mood, energy, and emotional regulation.

Feeling overwhelmed during the holidays isn’t a sign that something is wrong with you—it’s a human response to a demanding season.

What People Often Hide

Many people walk into gatherings carrying things others can’t see—grief behind a polite smile, anxiety behind small talk, or exhaustion behind “I’m fine.” Someone might laugh with family and still feel distant inside. Someone else may leave early because their nervous system is overstimulated.

These responses aren’t weakness. They are signs of emotional overload, and they’re far more common than most people realize.

How to Care for Yourself This Season

These strategies aren’t about forcing positivity—they’re about lowering pressure and creating space to breathe.

Lower the Bar

You don’t have to attend every event or maintain every tradition. Pick one thing to simplify.

Set Gentle Boundaries

It’s okay to say:

“I can only stay for an hour.”

“I’m skipping this event this year.”

“I’d rather not talk about that topic.”

Boundaries protect your energy.

Create Small Moments of Calm

Short breaks help reset your stress levels:

Step outside for fresh air

Take a slow breath with both feet on the ground

Hold something warm

Take a short, quiet drive

Let Your Feelings Move

If grief, stress, or anxiety shows up, allow it. Feelings lose intensity when we stop fighting them.

Know When to Reach Out

If emotions feel heavy, nonstop, or hard to manage, you don’t have to handle it alone. Appleseed is here to support you. If you need support, you can call our crisis line anytime at (419) 289-6111 or text 4HOPE to 741741.

How to Support Someone You Care About

Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. The holidays become easier when we show up for each other in small, consistent ways.

Ask Real Questions

Try: “How are you feeling about the holidays this year?”

This opens the door without pressure.

Validate Instead of Fixing

Most people don’t want a solution—they want understanding.

“It makes sense this feels overwhelming.”

“You’re not alone.”

Offer Practical Help

Be specific:

“Want company for a short visit?”

“Can I help you leave this event early?”

“Do you want quiet or distraction today?”

Give Permission to Take Breaks

If someone needs to step outside, leave early, or skip a tradition, support them without guilt.

Understand Grief Triggers

Memories resurface easily this time of year. Grief needs presence more than advice.

Know the Red Flags

Reach out if someone shows:

Unusual withdrawal

Hopelessness

Major changes in behavior

Comments about giving up

Appleseed’s crisis services are available for both individuals and those supporting them.

A Final Reflection

Most people feel both light and heavy moments throughout the season. One evening may feel warm and grounding; the next day may feel overwhelming. Both experiences belong.

If you find yourself carrying more than you can hold alone—or if someone you love is struggling—reach out. No one deserves to move through the holidays without support. There is room for every feeling here.